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EIGHT MONTHS THUS FAR IN JAKARTA

Posted on May 9th, 2008 by Paul : Avid Devotee Paul
street scene

monkeys

Jakarta Skyline


I haven't made a blog entry for almost two months because real life has demanded I turn my attention to work, self-inquiry and reflection devoid of delusions. In other words, my ego got a major ass-kicking that needed to happen. For a deeper explanation, please see Sally Kempton's article "Waking Life," in the March, 2008 issue of Yoga Journal, because its all part of the growth process. We never stop growing, I suppose, as long as we're willing to jump through whatever firey hoops we encounter.

In my case, I came down with bronchitis in March and was in bed for about a week. This pretty much triggered a ten-day depression that saw me sobbing on the phone to my brother and going though the narcissistic pangs of "Oh, my God, I've wasted my LIFE!!" Looking at the same four walls for over a week in a town where the imams crank it up five times a day regardless of how bad you feel while your collegues at work are struggling with E Coli doesn't tend to breed the most cheerful attitude.

The good news is -- I got over it. Thank God for meditation, mantras, 12-step fellowships, work and Effexor.


Since then I've been extremely busy with work and spiritually related activities that are keeping me humble and in the moment. I really don't care to get specific except to say that the longer I stay here the more I come to realize that the Journey is the Destination. When you live in a city as infrastructurally challenged as Jakarta, you either surrender to a higher knowledge of acceptance or descend into the abdominally cramped existance of self-loathing and resentment.


Its just that simple.


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Tagged with: Depression, E Coli, mantras, Meditation, Sally Kempton, Yoga Journal

THE CALL TO PRAYER

Posted on Mar 16th, 2008 by Paul : Avid Devotee Paul
 One of the things I enjoy about the Indonesian Culture I've been exposed to is that it gives me a great opportunity to see just how ingrained faith is in the day to day lives of the people.  Up until recently, December 21, 2007 to be exact, I had been frustrated with the mosques that surround my boarding house.  Five times a day, an imam will intone a call to prayer, usually around 4:30 am, that is broadcast over a loudspeaker throughout the neighborhoods of Jakarta.  If there are several mosques they all intone in a kind of Stockhausen 12-tone cacophony, that, if you're like me and not used to these things, you might consider annoying.  Well, at least that was my attitude up until the morning of December, 21.

December 20 was the day of the Hajj, when the faithful make a pilgrimage to Mecca.  From 6pm 12/20 to 6am 12/21, loud recordings of imams and children bombarded the neighborhood.  It went on all night causing me all sorts of personal displeasure until I finally drifted off to sleep.  The next morning when I woke up and did my morning meditation I was astonished at the depth, bliss and the vibrancy of that meditation.  It was then I understood.  This was not noise.  This was PRAYER!! The atmosphere was permeated and saturated with Shakti, the energy of God.


jakarta mosque


One of my colleagues is a devout Muslim and told me that there are stories of people who became Muslim simply by hearing the chant and it resonating with their hearts.  It reminded me of learning to meditate listening to the chants of Tibetan Monks, a sound which, although it was a little scary, had a majestic compassion that pulled me into a place where I would focus on my breath, still my mind and allow reality to take on a crystalline dimension.  My meditation on the day of December 21 was no different.


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Tagged with: hajj, Jakarta, Mecca, Meditation, mosque, muslim, Prayer, Shakti, Stockhausen, Tibetan Monks

TRAMADOL

Posted on Mar 16th, 2008 by Paul : Avid Devotee Paul
I haven't blogged for several weeks now. I've been busy with classes and getting my mental and emotional health in order when you consider what's happened over the past year. The REAL good news is that after several false starts I finally committed - at least for today - to stop taking Tramadol, a non-opiate painkiller I kept finding an excuse to take. Why it's a non-opiate is beyond me because while the pain-killing capacity is very good, it triggered what I like to call the addictive rationalization process which any addict/alcoholic worth their salt knows about all too well. Besides, Wikipedia said "It has been suggested that tramadol could be effective for alleviating symptoms of depression and anxiety..." so that was all I needed to volunteer for my own personal Wikipedia/Tramadol clinical trial. I talked about this with friends and finally a doctor who told me that even though a lot of pharmacies in Indonesia sell it without a prescription; you really need a prescription for it.
tramadol

Fortunately I kept my intake to around 50 mgs. a day, which may not be called "abuse," but you could definitely call a "habit." Like I said I had quit before only to find an excuse to start up again, but this time I made a point telling all my friends, my support group, my doctor and even my parents what was going on. Getting off of it was relatively easy, although there were a couple of days of pretty intense snarliness when I managed to get into a fight with a cab driver over change and damn near provoked an incident that could have gotten me deported if I wanted to push it far enough. That would have been all I needed. Sent BACK to the US because of a self-righteous expat narcissistic piss rant triggered by tramadol withdrawal. Fortunately, there is a better way to live.

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Tagged with: abuse, addiction, alcoholism, habit, Indonesia, pharmacies, prescription, Tramadol, Wikipedia

THE YEAR OF THE RAT

Posted on Feb 4th, 2008 by Paul : Avid Devotee Paul
ratatouille

So the Chinese New Year is breathing down my milky white Westernized Neck like a mythic rodent eager to pounce on unexpected prey and I sit here in my room, in my bed, recovering from some sort of virus I probably picked up during the recent floods. China has snow and ice. Jakarta has floods that Noah couldn't navigate. Nevertheless, my neighborhood was lucky. Very little, if anything, was underwater. Besides, the sound of the rain on the roof is a pleasure I forgot about long ago. I want to do nothing but sleep when I hear it. Rain is perfect for meditation, reflection and rejuvenation. As long as I'm not swimming in it.


So now we have the Rat on the Horizon. From what I've been able to discover:


"Being born under this sign determines many talents, as well as other characteristics that may not be so commendable. Rats are very lively and need a lot of mental and physical stimulation. They can be calm and perceptive, but sometimes their brains can cause a mental restlessness, tempting them to take on too much, only to discover they are unable to meet their commitments. Rats are blessed with one of the best intellects going. Add to their intelligence a curiosity and a bright imagination, and they seem as sharp as a needle.

The sign of the Rat is the first sign in the cycle giving Rat people exude great leadership qualities and are good at taking the lead. They don't mind a lot of responsibility and they demonstrate a strong presence that other people respect. For those with the Rat nature, status and monetary satisfaction are the greatest motivation."


Sounds like a lot of women I've dated in the past.


The Chinese New Year is Thursday and will be 4705, and knowing me I'll still be writing 4704 on my checks. Maybe if I could just get a stamp of a cute little hissing rat.


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Tagged with: China, Chinese New Year, Floods, Jakarta, Noah, Rat

VIDEO FROM UBUD

Posted on Jan 9th, 2008 by Paul : Avid Devotee Paul
Ubud, Bali - Christmas 2007

Video made from still photos and Ravi Shankar's music from my visit to Bali over the holidays. It rained alot, but the last day the sun came out and you could hear George Harrison's voice in the wind singing "Here Comes The Sun/It's Alright..."

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Tagged with: Bali, Christmas, George Harrison, Hotel, Palaces, Ravi Shankar, Rice Paddies, Ubud

HEADING TO BALI

Posted on Dec 22nd, 2007 by Paul : Avid Devotee Paul
Jakarta

Going to the city of Ubud for Christmas.  With any luck, I'll find Elizabeth Gilbert's Medicine Man.
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Tagged with: Ubud, Christmas, Jakarta, Bali, Elizabeth Gilbert, Medicine Man

BLOK M JAKARTA

Posted on Dec 17th, 2007 by Paul : Avid Devotee Paul
Sunday afternoon at Blok M. One of the more festive areas of Jakarta. A lot of great energy.

Mal Blok M

Blok M Entrance

BLOK M1

BLOK M2

BLOK M3

BLOK M4

BLOK M5

BLOK M6

BLOK M7

Festive


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Tagged with: Blok M, Jakarta, festive, good energy, Sunday afternoon

CULTURE SHOCK

Posted on Dec 14th, 2007 by Paul : Avid Devotee Paul
Culture Shock

I have been battling the standard frustrations someone would inevitably battle in a massive, kick-down-the-door move from Northern/Western Hemisphere Culture to Southern/Eastern Hemisphere Culture: 220 volt outlets, a traffic system that was probably inspired by a mixture of bad opium and feng shui, and - the one that has caused me the most grief so far -- medication readily available in the West that you don't have a prayer of finding over here unless you want to sacrifice half of your monthly salary.

Not that I didn't expect this, but I never knew what form it would take until I got here. Besides, I wasn't about to be stymied, stifled, kyboshed or otherwise frightened into giving up the journey because it might be a little difficult to find my anti-depressant meds over here. After all, I was told that most everything, including chemotherapy, is found over the counter here, right? And it isn't expensive, right?


Well, people like to talk...

I brought a three month supply of Wellbutrin XL that was rapidly running out because I had to increase the dosage to deal with the stress of Culture Shock. I was going to have to bump up the dosage even if I was still living in the States due to my ongoing battle with Seasonal Affective Disorder. Of course, over here, there are very little seasonal changes. Sunlight is pretty much 12 hours a day and there are only TWO seasons: rainy and hot" and "dry and hot." But stress can always trigger those feelings of despair, shame, hopelessness and a nagging sense that you have wasted your life. A very contracted, boxed-in space that only gets worse no matter how much time you spend talking with your friends or therapist. I've probably suffered from depression all my life, but it wasn't until I had a couple of years sobriety under my belt (I was 35 at the time) that I began taking Prozac. It made a world of difference. I began writing and was able to hold down a job. I tried going off them for awhile during the summer of '06 and learned, after a major anxiety attack, that it wasn't a good idea. For me, antidepressants are as necessary as insulin for a diabetic.

Anyway I began to investigate how to go about replenishing my Wellbutrin supply when I discovered that you cannot get it here unless you want to pay a small fortune and have it shipped from Singapore. To make a long story short I had to switch to another med, Effexor, which is still expensive, but available nonetheless. This in itself was not a bad idea as it was probably time to switch to another med anyway. I once made the mistake of staying on Zoloft for over ten years. By the time someone convinced me to switch meds; I was thirty pounds overweight and battling suicidal ideation.

I felt pretty good taking Effexor but after about two weeks the chasm of despair began to open like an Indonesian volcanic fissure. The feeling was all too familiar: a hole that would be difficult to pull myself out of; all you want to do is cry and sleep. I was losing my focus at work and being in a foreign country with a language barrier and issues of intimacy magnified twelve-fold I decided to make another trip to the Dr. who advised bumping up the med from 75mg to 110mg.

So far it's worked. However, antidepressants, like any medication, only take you part of the way there. The trick is to find the thought patterns and trigger points so you can handle the Shock, Denial, Bargaining, Depression and eventual Acceptance of living in a foreign county.

I realized a couple of weeks ago that I hadn't left Louisville and it was time to do so. Not that Jakarta is my home. Hardly. But as nice a town as Louisville, Kentucky is, it has become for me - on a strictly personal level - a place to leave behind. It has become my past. And it will probably take a while for all of that to sink in.

One day at a time with only the world to gain.

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Tagged with: Acceptance, Bargaining, Culture Shock, Denial, Depression, Effexor, Jakarta, Louisville, Prozac, Seasonal Affective Disorder, Shock, Suicidal Ideation, Wellbutrin XL, Zoloft

WHAT MY SIX AND SEVEN YEAR OLDS HAVE TAUGHT ME

Posted on Nov 23rd, 2007 by Paul : Avid Devotee Paul
Nadif Keeping His Eye on the Ball


I teach two classes of English for children. They actually speak a lot better than most adults but it's been quite an educational experience for me as well. So far, I've learned:

1. To be grateful that I have an attention span that lasts longer than 3 seconds.


2. To be grateful I don't have to deal with losing my baby teeth.

Nadhif


3. If you want to control a rowdy noisy bunch give them some crayons and paper. Creativity comes natural and works quicker, and often better, than ritalin.

4. If you want everyone to STOP YELLING at the top of their lungs, start to talk in a whisper. They'll be quiet trying to hear what you have to say.  

5. Once you have them in that quiet space, YELL one word at the top of your lungs when they least expect it.
Afra, Jesita & Putri


6. The next time you start to talk in a whisper, they'll stop what they're doing and put their fingers in their ears, expecting you to drop the bomb any moment.

7.  If you create a powerpoint presentation based on the song "I Know An Old Lady Who Swallowed a Fly" pretend you're going to tickle one or two of them whenever you get to the picture of the Spider who "wiggles and jiggles and tickles inside her." Then whenever that picture comes back around watch how fast they pull their book bags from under the chairs to guard their torsos.  
Aisha, Nabila & Jason


8. "Spongbob Squarepants" is really a funny movie!  

9.  Any Indonesian six or seven year old worth his or her salt knows the Spongebob dialogue - in English - about as well as you knew the Rocky Horror dialogue when you were in college.


Goofy Gobber Rock

Finally, you will learn:

10. That no matter how computer literate you think you are, a third world six or seven year old will ALWAYS have a higher computer I.Q.
Audi



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Tagged with: attention span, baby teeth, I know an old lady, ritalin, seven year olds, six year olds, spongebob squarepants, goofy goober

JAKARTA MACET: HELL, PURGATORY OR HUNGRY GHOST BARDO STATE

Posted on Nov 16th, 2007 by Paul : Avid Devotee Paul
Macet 1


The most glaring omnipresent annoyance I have to deal with in Jakarta is the traffic commonly called Macet. More than one journalist has written that the traffic in Jakarta moves about as swiftly as blood through a corpse. I'm sorry, but that's just giving the traffic a little too much credit. This evening when I was having the cab driver take me home, I had him drop me off a little over 2 km from my destination so I could walk the rest of the way. Before that, the traffic hadn't moved in over ten minutes with the meter ticking away. The last time I saw the cab driver he was still sitting there waiting for an opening that I didn't think was going to happen anytime soon. Even though this is pretty much a Muslim country I wonder if there isn't some ring of Hell, Purgatory or Bardo State that relates to Jakarta Macet. Just a thought...

Macet 2

Macet 3


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Tagged with: Bardo State, Blood, Corpse, Hell, Jakarta, Macet, muslim, Purgatory, traffic
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